As is the tradition around these parts, especially after a big Lakers win over those criminally boring pansies…
Ten Things I Hate About the San Antonio Spurs:
10. Manu Ginobili’s bald spot.
9. That the Spurs seemingly find some random warm body and turn him into an adequete swingman every single year.
8. That I currently live closer to the Spurs than any other pro sports team. I’m reminded of that on a daily basis. Why? Because I can smell the pigs that congregate at the trough they call the AT&T Center all the way from Austin. Actually, that’s the main reason I’m moving back to L.A. — I just can’t take that smell.
7. David Robinson. Only A.C. Green and the 40-Year-Old Virgin took longer than the Admiral to get laid.
6. Avery Johnson. If it wasn’t for the Spurs, we wouldn’t have to hear that munchkin helium addict blab all the time. Go audition for “The Wizard of Oz” on Broadway or something, little man.
5. Did I mention Manu Ginobili’s bald spot yet?
4. Tim Duncan. Why does homeboy talk exactly like Dave Chapelle making fun of us white dudes?
3. They used to be called the Chaparrals. That’s vegetation, for chrissake. I tell you, everything bad nowadays starts with bush. Especially in Texas.
2. Greg Popovich. Coach Pop Mark and his wife are wine enthusiasts. Is that so she can bear looking at your face. Noriega had better complexion. So, stop being such a smart ass prick when you get in-game interviews. You should just be glad there’s a cameraman brave enough to look at you.
1. Watching the Spurs play. No wonder Eva Longoria-Parker or what-the-hell-ever is a “Desperate Housewife.” If I had to watch all 82 Spurs games, I’d be pretty damn desperate, too.