Kobe Bryant and his wife Vanessa ended up on TMZ today. As we all know, that can never be a good thing. Apparently, Vanessa treated their ex-maid about like Lee Emery’s drill sergeant did Private Pile in Full Metal Jacket. From TMZ:
Kobe Bryant and his wife Vanessa are being sued by their former housekeeper, who claims Vanessa was incredibly abusive — even demanding that she put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve a tag from her blouse … so Vanessa could deduct the cost of the blouse from the maid’s salary!
Maria Jimenez claims Vanessa called her “lazy, slow, dumb, a f—ing liar, and f—ing sh-t.”
Jimenez says it got so bad — Vanessa allegedly “badgered, harassed and humiliated Maria by yelling and screaming at Maria and criticizing her in front of Kobe, the Bryants’ children, employees and other people in the household” — she threatened to quit but Kobe talked her out of it.
The final straw: Vanessa went nuclear because Maria put an expensive blouse in the washer. Vanessa demanded that Maria put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve the price tag for the blouse.
Maybe Kobe should use the dogsh**-in-a-bag method to motivate his teammates? Might have won us a title a year ago. It sounds a little Bobby Knightesque, sure, but we gotta get a ‘ship, folks.
So, what did we learn here? We all now know why Vanessa got that $4 million rock — you don’t mess with Ness. Period. Her next maid might have to eat animal feces Ron Burgundy style.