Sweet suit! You ride to the game on your bicycle?

10 Things I Hate About You: Houston Rockets

10 Things I Hate About the Houston Rockets…

10. That I actually like seeing Dikembe Mutombo’s reaction on the bench when the Rockets make a nice play.

9. That milk-drinker/do-gooder Shane Battier looks like a pug and saves kittens out of trees. He’s the kind of guy every girl’s old man wants them to bring home. I despise that. Freakin’ boy scout.

8. There is no reason for anyone ever to wear a red bowtie and sports coat, Aaron Brooks. Unless you are calling the shots at Barnum and Bailey or chatting with Chairy. Brooks also looks like a pygmy Chris Rock.

7. Von Wafer. Outdated trendy clothing line or fancy French delicacy? Neither. A ball-hogging, insubordinating, mohawk-rocking scrub who the Rockets found in our dumpster.

6. Luis Scola is trying real hard to be on the cover of an Argentine trashy romance novel.

5. Players like Carl Landry and Chuck Hayes. Overachievers are so annoying. Just accept the fact that your game is pedestrian and let the rest of us move on.

4. Tracy McGrady. T-Mac and Vince Carter said screw “kissing cousins,” we’ll be the first ever set of coasting cousins. Even Tracy’s eyes are lazy.

3. Yao Ming. You’re a great player. You’re a nice guy. You’re even tough. But get some mean up in you, boy. You’re softer than a young David Robinson playing his piano. Softer than Grant Hill in his six-year walking boot. Softer than Charmin T.P.

2. Ron Artest. The only thing more absurd than saying Brandon Roy is better than Kobe Bryant is Ron-Ron’s rapping. Well, besides his story about the pick-up game table-leg murder.

1. Houston. Half-ghetto, half-ranch, all suck.

Tags: Aaron Brooks Carl Landry Chuck Hayes Dikembe Mutombo Houston Rockets Luis Scola Ron Artest Shane Battier Tracy Mcgrady Von Wafer Yao Ming

  • bob

    are these supposed to be compliments disguised as insults? you don’t like people who work hard? you don’t like guys that girls want to bring home? you must be a scrub living in your mom’s basement hating the world because it’s better than you.

  • Jay

    man you guys are idiots, go ROCKETS! BEAT L.A.!

  • Shelly

    You are a moron! Sorry I wasted my time. I can’t wait till we whoop ya’lls pretty-boy l.a. asses and send you back to lalaland where you belong. Half-ghetto, half-ranch addes up to one helluva ass-kickin’ team.

  • hakem

    whats wrong with brooks in the bowtie? sure its goofy but even he did it because he thought it would be funny.

  • Kobe is a rapist

    yeah because L.A. doesn’t have 50 times the gang violence that Houston has. L.A. as a city is everything people hate about Houston times a million.

  • Dushyant

    its supposed to be funny. chill the f*** out guys..

  • rocketfan

    fuck you h town all the way l.a. aint shit fuck the team and the city

  • sw houston

    man fuk the bitch ass lakers. FUK kobe bitch ass bryant. big headed punk who puts all his teammates down when his bitch ass air balled twice in game six. cmon all yall faggot ass laker fans need to realize that you wouldnt even have any rings if it wasnt for shaq. its too bad kobe and the lakers got no class or sportsmanship. such a waste. someone needs to change the la lakers name to the kobe bryants cause the reast of the lakers are trash.

  • sw houston

    and even with mutumbo, yao, and tmac out the lakers still couldnt handle us in game 6 so what can any of you lame ass kobe bryant dick riders say about that?

  • sw houston

    (and i meant kobe wouldnt have any rings without shaq. cause if i meant la lakers in general wouldnt have any rings with out shaq, i would be disrespecting magic j and karrem, and nobody that knows basketball cause say anything bad about their game)

  • sw houston is gay

    sw houston… i guess pau gasol, lamar odom, and andrew bynum all suck and are worthless…

  • sw houston

    lets see them play without your daddy kobe bryant.