10 Things I Hate About the Houston Rockets…
10. That I actually like seeing Dikembe Mutombo’s reaction on the bench when the Rockets make a nice play.
8. There is no reason for anyone ever to wear a red bowtie and sports coat, Aaron Brooks. Unless you are calling the shots at Barnum and Bailey or chatting with Chairy. Brooks also looks like a pygmy Chris Rock.
7. Von Wafer. Outdated trendy clothing line or fancy French delicacy? Neither. A ball-hogging, insubordinating, mohawk-rocking scrub who the Rockets found in our dumpster.
6. Luis Scola is trying real hard to be on the cover of an Argentine trashy romance novel.
5. Players like Carl Landry and Chuck Hayes. Overachievers are so annoying. Just accept the fact that your game is pedestrian and let the rest of us move on.
4. Tracy McGrady. T-Mac and Vince Carter said screw “kissing cousins,” we’ll be the first ever set of coasting cousins. Even Tracy’s eyes are lazy.
3. Yao Ming. You’re a great player. You’re a nice guy. You’re even tough. But get some mean up in you, boy. You’re softer than a young David Robinson playing his piano. Softer than Grant Hill in his six-year walking boot. Softer than Charmin T.P.
2. Ron Artest. The only thing more absurd than saying Brandon Roy is better than Kobe Bryant is Ron-Ron’s rapping. Well, besides his story about the pick-up game table-leg murder.
1. Houston. Half-ghetto, half-ranch, all suck.