Sweet suit! You ride to the game on your bicycle?

10 Things I Hate About You: Houston Rockets

10 Things I Hate About the Houston Rockets…

10. That I actually like seeing Dikembe Mutombo’s reaction on the bench when the Rockets make a nice play.

9. That milk-drinker/do-gooder Shane Battier looks like a pug and saves kittens out of trees. He’s the kind of guy every girl’s old man wants them to bring home. I despise that. Freakin’ boy scout.

8. There is no reason for anyone ever to wear a red bowtie and sports coat, Aaron Brooks. Unless you are calling the shots at Barnum and Bailey or chatting with Chairy. Brooks also looks like a pygmy Chris Rock.

7. Von Wafer. Outdated trendy clothing line or fancy French delicacy? Neither. A ball-hogging, insubordinating, mohawk-rocking scrub who the Rockets found in our dumpster.

6. Luis Scola is trying real hard to be on the cover of an Argentine trashy romance novel.

5. Players like Carl Landry and Chuck Hayes. Overachievers are so annoying. Just accept the fact that your game is pedestrian and let the rest of us move on.

4. Tracy McGrady. T-Mac and Vince Carter said screw “kissing cousins,” we’ll be the first ever set of coasting cousins. Even Tracy’s eyes are lazy.

3. Yao Ming. You’re a great player. You’re a nice guy. You’re even tough. But get some mean up in you, boy. You’re softer than a young David Robinson playing his piano. Softer than Grant Hill in his six-year walking boot. Softer than Charmin T.P.

2. Ron Artest. The only thing more absurd than saying Brandon Roy is better than Kobe Bryant is Ron-Ron’s rapping. Well, besides his story about the pick-up game table-leg murder.

1. Houston. Half-ghetto, half-ranch, all suck.

Tags: Aaron Brooks Carl Landry Chuck Hayes Dikembe Mutombo Houston Rockets Luis Scola Ron Artest Shane Battier Tracy Mcgrady Von Wafer Yao Ming

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