We’re just hours away from life in Los Angeles as we know it being forever changed…for 53 hours. The 405, that congested and smog riddled snake that connects the Valley to the Westside is going to be closed on a weekend in the summer. God help us all.
As if that weren’t enough to make an Angeleno seek shelter in the Sherman Oaks Galleria, there’s also an NBA lockout that has put professional hoops in L.A. on indefinite leave.
What is happening to our city?
First the Rams and Raiders leave us then the city tries to ban lap dances. What’s next? No more races at Hollywood Park? Just how is a degenerate supposed to survive in the City of Angels? Luckily the lap dance ban went the way Mayor Villaraigosa’s career in national politics. As for pro football…we’re still waiting (looking at you AEG).
So what if there is an NBA lockout? It’s not like the Lakers or that other team are playing this time of year anyway…you may say. Very true. But that doesn’t mean a large group of us aren’t concerned. Just as we were counting down the days until Carmageddon so too are we fretting the possibility of life without the Lakers and those guys that also play at Staples…the L.A. Kings I think they’re called.
While Carmageddon threatens to ruin my plans of being drunk on Ocean Blvd. by 10am at least I know it has a definite end date. As for the lockout…who knows?
Contrary to what you hear, the city of Los Angeles is in love with basketball. Don’t believe me? Check any NBA roster and chances are there’s an L.A. native to be found. Still don’t believe me? Then explain how the Clippers are still in existence. I mean the Maloof Kings were selling out like Pete Rose with a book deal and even they threatened to make a move to SoCal. Granted they were going to be holed up in L.A.’s armpit – a land we refer to as the O.C. – but the facts speak for themselves. The Los Angeles area loves b-ball.
In the short term Carmageddon has all the potential to do major damage to a city’s psyche. My anxiety is already off the charts just thinking of my drive from Van Nuys to Culver City on Monday morning. Thankfully there is a local dispensary that won’t be affected by the chaotic freeway closure.
For the foreseeable future the NBA lockout is a beast we don’t want to confront. We’re all sitting back, expecting the worst yet not truly preparing for it. What this city needs is a backup plan. We’re Angelenos, for God’s sake, we’re going to survive Carmageddon…I hope.
So what I propose is that Kobe Bryant, Philip Anschutz and Hugh Hefner start and All-Los Angeles league. A pro hoops league comprised on L.A. natives and L.A. area residents only. Why not? We exist in our own universe anyway so why not bask in it by giving the NBA the finger?
It could work.
KB24 would be in charge of recruiting talent and balancing out the rosters. Anschutz could bankroll the league and Hef could provide the “entertainment”. Vic the Brick Jacobs would serve as the AND-1 style emcee. Vin Scully could try his hand at calling basketball and Jim Rome could color commentate.
Now if that doesn’t work then all bets are off. Speaking of bets. Anybody want to take action on just when the lockout will end? Hopefully the lockout ends before Carmageddon 2 begins in 2012.