Javale McGee has a lot of faces, and now the Lakers know how to stop him
Prior to this Lakers-Nuggets series, I haven’t really had a chance to hone in on the wonder that is Javale McGee. I have seen him play, I know what his game’s like, but I’ve never had a chance to … you know … look at him.
Until this series, that is. And honestly, there’s no way a guy can express such extreme emotions, unless he’s a model for one of those “Universal Facial Expressions” in your Intro to Psych textbook.
I mean, this dude is animated.
Here’s his (I think) disappointed face when a call doesn’t go his way:
REALLY, friggin’ Javale McGee? This looks like your parents just got divorced or something. You’re reacting to a call the same way you’re reacting to the death of a family member; you’re doing it ALL wrong, dude.
And staying true to form, Javale McGee breaks conventions and has the worst dunk face ever.
“Hey guys. Excuse me. Pardon me. I have to land right here. I just dunked and there’s nowhere for me to put my feet. Hold on. Yeah, if you could ju– no, no, please, I’m just getting through here, I’d just like to land safely.”
Yeah, whatever Javale McGee.
Someone just pulled McGee’s scrotum. SOMEONE JUST PULLED HIS SCROTUM. LET GO OF HIM, IT HURTS. DEAR GOD, LET GO OF JAVALE MCGEE’S SCROTUM.
And then we have sympathetic Javale McGee. This is exactly the face you give your wife when she looks stressed. No need to actually hear what she has to say, just follow Javale’s lead:
It really doesn’t matter how you apply it; this is not a context-dependent face. If you’re wife looks upset and begins talking, just do exactly this.
But then Javale McGee knows what it’s like to be raw and uncensored. When tragedy strikes, Javale doesn’t need to tell you how hard it’s hitting him. You just know:
I’m crying, and I don’t even know why. Something’s going on deep inside Javale McGee, and I need a hug. WHY, DAD, WHY CAN’T I MAKE YOU PROUD?
But Javale wasn’t always like this. Something happened along the way. Something made him care. He wasn’t always this emotional. In fact, with Washington, he was very apathetic and lacked affect, kind of like the way he plays basketball usually.
Something happened … Something …
We now know what that something is. Someone, a very important person, whipped McGee back into shape (or out of shape; we’re not sure yet). It was his mom.
His mom is tough as nails, and when she showed up, whoooo boy, you best believe Javale had to get his ass in order and actually start caring.
How did she do it? Her tough as nails attitude? Yes. Her authoritarian style of parenting made Javale McGee care. She never let him know how good he was because “good” is never enough with the McGees. She did have a slight slip up, but calmly, coolly stood true to form:
Don’t you dare think what you’re doing is good enough, Javale. Every time someone gives you praise, you slack off. So why the hell should your mom enable you?
So it has occurred to me that we do, indeed, have a solution to prevent Javale McGee from taking over games (!): Take Pam McGee out of the equation. How do you do that? Shoot the hostage.
Or, you know, actually play basketball at a high level. One of the two.