Kobe Bryant: “I’ve Missed It So Much”

Kobe Bryant is the same. He vehemently and happily and passionately squeezes his palms around a basketball knowing little has changed. Except the world. Now there are nostalgic references, memory lane walk and talk, sentimental stuff about these last two years. Because he has not played in a long time the game has passed him by. And because he has not played in a long time the game has stayed where he put it, expectantly waiting for his return.

Oct 21, 2014; Anaheim, CA, USA; Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant (24) reacts to a call during the third quarter against the Phoenix Suns at Honda Center. Mandatory Credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports

He is 36 years old now, as hard as that is to believe. He is not the oldest to ever play. But he is the oldest to ever demand to play the way he always used to play. His primary struggle is to figure out how much farther he can really go considering everything he has already done. It is a paradox that continues to bring him to the precipice.

Athletes do age. So there is something very normal about an older Kobe Bryant if you consider the architecture of his career with its mythical storied buildings built upon egoism and a willful pursuit. All of it- the sound and the fury, the agony and ecstasy – has returned him here with the sort of intensity that accompanies a storm that is getting too close.

It goes without saying that Kobe Bryant has never been like other athletes with his sort of intelligent mind and ambitious psyche. Go back and forth about who he is as a teammate or leader but as an athlete he fulfilled his promise to be that thing which is unforgettable. But romance does not matter in the history of sports, not with this rapid, frenetic, insolvent race against time. Very few men get to have even one resurrection, much less two or three. And almost no man has had so many opening nights in the NBA. Or games played. Tonight will be game number 1246 for Kobe Bryant.

Nineteen years in the NBA means there have been dozens and dozens of NBA teammates, 130 to be exact. Kobe has played with 29 rookies but only one has been an All Star (Andrew Bynum). He’s had 10 head coaches and only one has been good enough to guide a team to a championship (Phil Jackson) and none have won Coach of the Year. He’s played with 19 All-Stars but only six won titles alongside him (Shaquille O’Neal, Glen Rice, Mitch Richmond, Andrew Bynum,  Pau Gasol, Metta World Peace) The others had their great years before they became his teammate and were an older version of their All-Star selves. Like Steve Nash and Karl Malone and Dennis Rodman.

His mythology began early, shortly after the trade that sent Vlade Davic to Charlotte. Bob Bass, the Charlotte general manager at the time, was ecstatic at the deal he had pulled off. He was overheard saying this was the most lopsided trade in NBA history. The Hornets needed size if they were going to make the playoffs. With Divac they made it to the postseason but lost in the first round.

Kobe came west and immediately became a cult figure. People waited hours to get into his summer league games. The lines wrapped around the block to catch a glimpse of him. When Del Harris had him sitting on the bench for much of his rookie year fans would chant his name over and over again. When he shot those air balls in the final seconds, in a playoff loss that year to Utah, for many, it felt like he was being sabotaged or scapegoated.

He entered the NBA when the NBA was 50. It was a turning point. The year before anyone in Los Angeles knew his name, the Minnesota Timberwolves drafted high schooler Kevin Garnett with the #5 pick in the NBA draft. The year after Kobe was drafted, the Toronto Raptors drafted Tracy McGrady. There they were, 18, 19 and 20- a guard, a guard/forward, a forward/center. Their talent ushered in a new sort of NBA with young and gifted stars who were explosive and athletic and hyper talented. There was no waiting their turn. The impact of Garnett and Kobe and McGrady would dramatically change the NBA forever.

There is a version of the Kobe Bryant story where he thrives on lunacy- trying to put his torn Achilles back together. There are multiple parables that point to his robotic selves. He’s suffered through so many injuries and has come back in spite of them all, as if he is strangling fate around the neck. It’s nothing new but Kobe likes to compete and a lot is made of his skill.

He has been called the best mid-range shooter in NBA history. ESPN’s Ramona Shelburne said of him last week, “he’s the best post player in the NBA. He has incredible footwork”. Over the years he has been copied and imitated for his fadeaway, his pull up jumper, his jab step, his spin move, his left hand jumper, his up and under, his pump fake. His skill in the paint is based on changing speeds and direction and his preternaturally genius footwork. But rarely is their much attention paid to Kobe Bryant’s mind.

Oct 16, 2014; Anaheim, CA, USA; Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant (24) and coach Byron Scott during the game against the Utah Jazz at the Honda Center. The Jazz defeated the Lakers 119-86. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

A visual learner, he studies everything, obsessively so. He sees things on the court the average player never would. It is not easy to step into a world and be the man with a courageous story rather than the man with the wholesome story. Tenacity in sports doesn’t always exist.

When athletes get to the end, the moment of true discovery is when you risk failure in the middle of your own resurrection. You just won’t fall on your sword, you can’t. Unless you have to. In more ways than you can count, Kobe has been the broken man able to put himself back together again because he can see himself from a distance.

But this is year 19. If you take him at his word, Kobe Bryant’s journey is more valuable to him than the wreath once the tape is broken. It is like that story.

Many years ago, in the Olympics, there was a British runner named Derek Redmond. He entered a stadium of 65,000 people to compete in the semi-final of the 400 meters. As the race started he took the lead and it was never in doubt of Derek finishing, probably first, and advancing to the final. But 175 yards from the finish line he heard a pop; his hamstring tore. He slumped halfway and then began hopping on one foot to finish, he just had to finish. He had to get to the Finals. He slipped then, into the frailty of his body, and fell to the track while runners, one by one, passed him by. The trainers came running out to him and as he was a puddle of broken flesh he knew the truth of this moment. His dream was done, it was over. He lay in his own grief as the race went by and he was openly weeping. And then, from the corner of his eye, he saw the stretcher. Derek pulled his pain ridden self into a standing position and he began to hop on one foot towards the finish line. He hobbled and he panted and he breathlessly put one damaged leg in front of one healthy leg and it seemed like an hour for him to go those last few steps, aided by his father. He said, “I wanted to finish the race. I’m the one who has to live with it.”

And so it is for Kobe Bryant in year 19, in year 2014. So much time has passed since year 1996 when rookie Kobe stepped on the NBA floor for the very first time. But it all comes down to this particularly sobering truth as he prepares for one more season. He has to finish the race. Kobe Bryant is the one who has to live with it.