Los Angeles Lakers: Rob Pelinka and the Belarusian Lunatic

One of my good friends, Spence, is living in Belarus with his girlfriend Pea. If you aren’t up to date on your European geography, Belarus lies on the outskirts of Europe sandwiched in between Poland and Russia, the ignored stepchild that warrants more attention.

One day, a couple of weeks into Spence’s stay in Belarus, a young lady, kindly known as the “Local Lunatic” (People in Belarus aren’t as worried about political correctness as Americans) went out for her daily stroll around the town. This woman was born with a mental disability. Still, she was incredibly happy, free to wander around staring at the snowy landscape in winter and the rolling grasslands swarming with butterflies and bees in the summer.

On this particular morning, the “Local Lunatic” was particularly mesmerized by a unique pattern in the snow—I like to imagine that she has a super heightened artistic mind, which allowed her to see a fantastic design—when a local horse, slowly approached her.

She calmly stood up and reached out to pet the animal’s soft, brown nose. Out of nowhere, the horse bent down and took a bite into her calf. It whinnied once—perhaps to say sorry—before slowly sauntering off to try and find something to eat.

The hero of our story screamed until a fellow villager ran over and helped her to the town’s clinic. She had a nasty wound in her lower leg; there’d be no more carefree wandering for the next two to three months.

Life takes everyone on an up-and-down journey. One minute you’re happily staring at the snow, and the next minute you’re stuck in your mom’s house with a bite wound from a horse.

Rob Pelinka’s tenure as a Los Angeles Lakers executive has been no different.

Rob Pelinka’s career as a GM has risen and fallen throughout his three years with the Los Angeles Lakers.

Rob Pelinka’s work with the Lakers started on a high. During the summer of 2017, he made a great deal, shipping out D’Angelo Russell and Timofey Mozgov to the Brooklyn Nets for Brook Lopez and the 27th pick, which eventually turned into Kyle Kuzma.

Several analysts criticized Pelinka for the trade, but he cleared a ton of cap space for the 2018 offseason while only giving up a slow-footed point guard, who doesn’t play defense.

The Los Angeles Lakers struggled throughout the 2017-2018 season, but that was due to Jim Buss and Mitch Kupchak’s prior mismanagement. There’s nothing Rob Pelinka could have done to help transform the Lakers roster into a playoff contender, while he was strapped down by Luol Deng and Brook Lopez’s massive deals.

In the summer of 2018, after Brook’s contract expired, Rob Pelinka made the best signing of the summer by inking LeBron James to a four-year deal—Pelinka’s career was trending up.

After LeBron came on board, Pelinka zigged when he should have zagged. He brought in non-shooters, Rajon Rondo, Lance Stephenson, and Michael Beasley to team up with Lonzo Ball, Kyle Kuzma, Brandon Ingram, and LeBron James (also non-shooters).

He created the oddest arrangement of talent we’ve ever seen in Hollywood, a group of individuals who never had a chance to form into a collective unit—Pelinka’s career started its descent.

The Lakers started 2018 as well as could be expected, but after LeBron James went down with a groin injury on Christmas, things unraveled fast. The Lakers predictably started to lose, but Rob Pelinka and Magic Johnson made things three times worse by offering up almost the entire roster for Anthony Davis. In the end, a report came out claiming Dell Demps, the New Orleans Pelicans GM, was never going to trade AD to the Lakers.

He wanted to clown Rob Pelinka and the entire Lakers organization. Dell Demps’s “unusual” plan worked. He duped Rob Pelinka, and the Lakers imploded in a fiery ball of hatred towards each other—Rob Pelinka’s career continued to go downward.

On April 9th, the last day of the Lakers season, Magic Johnson abruptly resigned his post as the Lakers president of basketball operations, saying that he could no longer stay on for the Purple and Gold due to “whispering and backstabbing.” 

A month later, ESPN’s Baxter Holmes came out with a scathing article, painting Rob Pelinka as a backstabbing executive, who had bumbled every decision he’d made for the Lakers. Here’s the worst of the article,

"“According to nearly two dozen current and former team staffers, ranging from occupants of executive suites to office cubicles, in addition to league sources and others close to the team, the Lakers under Johnson and Pelinka were fraught with dysfunction, on and off the court. These sources, who feared reprisal and weren’t authorized to speak publicly, describe Pelinka and Johnson as managers who made unilateral free-agent acquisitions; triggered a spate of tampering investigations and fines; berated staffers, including Walton; and created an in-house culture that many current and former longtime staffers said marginalized their colleagues, inspired fear and led to feelings of anxiety severe enough that at least two staffers suffered panic attacks.”"

Then Magic Johnson went on ESPN’s First Take and spent nearly an hour admonishing Rob Pelinka. Then Rob Pelinka couldn’t find a new head coach for the recently fired Luke Walton; Monty Williams and Tyronn Lue both turned down the job. Then Rob Pelinka had to settle for a pairing of Frank Vogel and Jason Kidd to steer the Lakers roster during the 2019-2020 season—Rob Pelinka’s career bottomed out.

Later in the summer, Rob Pelinka finally managed to trade for Anthony Davis, giving up Brandon Ingram, Lonzo Ball, Josh Hart, and an assortment of picks and pick swaps. That was his first win in a while—Rob Pelinka’s career started to go back up.

As the summer of 2019 continued, the Los Angeles Lakers GM/President made several great signings, inking Dwight Howard, Alex Caruso, Avery Bradley, JaVale McGee, and Kentavious Caldwell-Pope to excellent deals. The regular season began, and Frank Vogel and Jason Kidd worked well together. The Lakers rushed out the gate with an 8-2 record.

The Los Angeles Lakers played well the entire season, behind LeBron James and Anthony Davis’s greatness, but also because of the roster and coaching staff that our favorite Rob Lowe look-alike put together—Rob Pelinka’s career advanced higher.

Nobody escapes the valleys and mountains of life, not a mentally disabled woman from a small town in Belarus or a wealthy NBA executive in Los Angeles. We in the media were quick to jump all over Rob Pelinka and critique him mercilessly when he was down, but very few people have complimented the job he did this year. Instead, LeBron James and Anthony Davis get all the credit for the Lakers’ success.

Rob Pelinka probably won’t win the NBA Executive of the Year Award, but he’s one of the main reasons why the Los Angeles Lakers finished this shortened season as title favorites.