Top Ten List: Lakers Dream Scenarios

Feb 11, 2014; Los Angeles, CA, USA; General view of the Staples Center exterior before the NBA game between the Utah Jazz and the Los Angeles Lakers. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

The following are a List of Things the Lakers must do in order to stay relevant and compete for a Championship in the next couple years.  Some of them are doable and some are a pipe dream, but they are all feasible:

  1. Tank, tank, tankerooni, T’anktoni.  No, I am not talking about the fish tank in your living room that you have neglected cleaning for 3 mos.  And, no I am not talking about the last round of budget from congress that called for 6 billion dollars’ worth of combat tanks, that the army says it does not need.  I am saying the Lakers strategically will be in a better place for years to come if the Tank job is in.  With a Top 3 lottery pick (you hear that Adam Silver, you still owe us for the David Stern/ Chris Paul fiasco), The Lakers can start rebuilding at a much quicker pace for the future.  It is a deep, deep draft, and the quality of the incoming class has been written about by my fellow staff here at LSL in the last couple weeks.
  2. Kobe Bryant should/must sit out the rest of the year.  Kobe is one of the most intelligent and competitive players to ever play the game, hopefully, his smarts temper his aggressive nature and he lets his body fully heal and in the process allow the lakers the highest percentage shot at the #1 pick.
  3. Trade, trade, trade.  It does not matter what we can get at this point.  If it is only second round picks or mustache combs for D’Antoni, or purple and gold Manolo’s for Jeanie.  TRADE EVERYTHING that moves and breathes.  Other than Farmar, Wesley Johnson, and Jodie Meeks, who can provide great contributions next year if re-signed, get rid of everyone.  Team X needs a little bench scoring moving into the playoffs? Here is Nick Young (I am talking to you Chicago or Dallas).  Anyone need a solid big man? We have three great ones: Kaman, Gasol, Hill.  We currently only use them to wash the top of D’Antoni’s SUV, and to reach the cereal on the top shelf.  Miami, Phoenix, Charlotte, I’m looking at you, they can all use a little protection at the rim.
  4. Jim Buss finds a soul searching cause and decides in May to spend the next ten years building Habitats for Humanity in a far away country.  Jim becomes truly happy and is able to ditch the baseball caps that he hides under (dude isn’t even bald), and makes a great contribution to society, far away from the Lakers.
  5. Jeanie Buss takes over the Lakers and instantly inserts Phil Jackson as President of the Lakers.  She makes the ultimate decisions and is responsible for the direction of the team.  But who better to have as a Navigator than perhaps the greatest living coach.

    August 10, 2012; El Segundo, CA, USA; Los Angeles Lakers Jeanie Buss and Jim Buss during a press conference held to introduce the three-time defensive player of the year who was aquired in a four-team trade from the Orlando Magic, Los Angeles Lakers center Dwight Howard. Mandatory Credit: Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

  6. Jeanie also brings back Jerry West and Magic Johnson as trusted consultants and chairmen on the board.  What Jim has done so perfectly in the last three years is perhaps alienate some of the most loyal Lakers of all time.  We so easily forget that Magic was a fixture at Laker games, a couple of seats away from Diane Canon, how many times have you spotted him at a game lately?  And do not forget West’s contributions to the franchise.  The man nearly hospitalized himself getting Shaq to LA in the late 90’s.  And after Kevin Mchale – a Celtics man- gave Kevin Garnett away to the hated green, good ole’ West countered back with getting Gasol in LA, although West technically was not heading the Grizzlies anymore, he had the owners ear more than anyone.
  7. Tom Thibedeau.  Thibs is by far the best working basketball coach on the planet.  Jerry Reinsdorf, apart from Michael Jordan, has never been, ahem, how should we put this, very willing to open up his wallet.  And with the current state of the Bulls, Jerry calling them a mediocre team, and trading Thibs’ favorite player Deng for essentially a pack of gum to the Cavs, things might not be so sunny in the Windy City.  You know who could go calling for a marginalized, never fully appreciated, Chicago Head Coach-  an EX- marginalized, never fully appreciated, Chicago Head Coach.  Yes Phil can come in and save Tom from a sinking situation, and although Thibs is in the first year of a 4 year contract.  We know Reinsdorf is not weary to let loaded contracts go, especially when the team will not be competing for a title.

    Jan 24, 2014; Chicago, IL, USA; Chicago Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau during the second half against the Los Angeles Clippers at the United Center. The Clippers beat the Bulls 112-95. Mandatory Credit: Rob Grabowski-USA TODAY Sports

  8. Kevin Love is an LA boy at heart.  He could have gone to any program out of high school: Duke, North Carolina, Syracuse, Arizona- but staying true to his Beach Boys roots, he chose UCLA.  However, following his comments a day ago that the “Timberwolves had a better team than LA”, what he is essentially saying is: let me see some management stability in LA, and I am fully on-board.  UH yeah we hear you Kevin, see step 4 and 5 above.
  9. DO NOT SIGN CARMELO.  The dude is not a championship caliber player, he does not get it, he will never get it.  Yes he is smarter than your average baller, and he can score like George Clooney on vacation, but he just does not have that intangible it.  Shawn Kemp, Dominique Wilkins move over- an over-hyped, amazing scorer, not willing to do the little things is ready to join your ranks.
  10. GET RID OF JIM BUSS.  I cannot emphasize enough how much stink Jim Buss has brought to the franchise in the last 3 years.  The dude just does not get it.  Don’t believe me? Google a couple articles on him.  The man has never lived a stable life, has never been successful at anything, and he is bringing that instability and insecurity to the Lakers.  Please Jim Buss, find a hobby, a passion-maybe-sailing around the world, gambling with Russians, collecting Brazilian models, but please, please, I BEG YOU give up the reigns of the Lakers to someone who has worked their ass off and deserves it: Jeanie Buss!

 

I am G. Marlon Gutierrez.  I love The Lakers, Bacon, and Sunday afternoons.  Get at me @theGmarlon, or [email protected]

Topics: Jeanie Buss, Jim Buss, Kobe Bryant, Lakers, Owner

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  • Demarkus Tramail Swan

    I don’t think an owner can be like.. FIRED!! #PIPEDREAMS

  • Matt Williams

    1. We’re already tanking!!
    2. We got 20 games left I don’t think Kobe’s gonna waste his time playing just “a couple of games”.
    3. Trade? Why? We need a solid bench and that’s what we had before the injuries. Pau should stay.
    4. Jim ain’t going anywhere.
    5. Lakers is a family franchise, every member of the Buss family, Jim included, has a part in it.
    6. West has his hands tied with the warriors. Magic with the Dodgers.
    7. Bulls ain’t letting Thibs go. Lionel Hollins is available tho!
    8. KLove is coming anyway.
    9. Melo isn’t.
    10. See number 4.

    This was a bad list. Make a realistic one.