I’d like to preface this by saying that I am going to take a lot of heat for this post. My fiancee is a HUGE Sasha fan, and I’d be sleeping on the couch if she knew I wrote this.
Mr. “Machine”-
I hope this message finds you in good health and good spirits. I’m confident that your $15 million contract is affording you the lavish lifestyle you feel you deserve. On to more pressing matters…
What the hell are you doing, man? Seriously! From a fan’s perspective, you seem completely useless on the court. Whenever you come into a game, everyone in the room watching with me mumbles under their breath something along the lines of “Here comes a team foul in the next 30 seconds.” Sure, you’ve shown some tenacity on defense and you’ve made some shots but good-God, sir- you’re absolutely atrocious this year (and especially in these playoffs)!
Remember last season when you got your contract? Remember what you said? I’ll help you out here, and quote you: “I’ve heard the rumor that players who sign a contract tend to take the next year off and stay in the shadows. I disagree with that. I think the way I am, being a gym rat, I want to be even better next year and there’s no secret to anyone that I want to be the best shooter in the NBA.“
Very inspiring words there, Sasha. Let’s see how you’re stacking up against last season’s playoffs:
| Year | MPG | FG% | 3P% | FT% | OFF | DEF | RPG | APG | SPG | BPG | TO | PF | PPG |
| 07-08 | 21.7 | 0.399 | 0.392 | 0.857 | 0.4 | 1.8 | 2.2 | 0.8 | 0.6 | 0.2 | 0.86 | 2.10 | 8.1 |
| 08-09 | 14.2 | 0.275 | 0.306 | 1.000 | 0.5 | 1.4 | 1.8 | 0.7 | 0.8 | 0.2 | 0.54 | 2.10 | 3.8 |
As we can see, your minutes have dropped a bit. Lets dive in a little deeper to explore why, shall we?
Your .275 field goal percentage is embarrassing. As a role player, you have to excel at your role. We paid $15 million for you to make 1 out of 4 shots?
Your .306 3-point percentage is a huge dropoff from last season. You were one of the league leaders in the year when your contract was coming up. What happened?
I understand your point total suffering because of less minutes, but how on earth are you committing the same number of fouls in 7 less minutes per game? You’re no longer the 3-Point-Draining Machine. You’re the fouling machine.
What happened to camping out in your spot and playing your catch-and-shoot role? You seem to be shooting off the dribble and driving more often, now. You even dunked a few times this year! That’s great and all, but I think I’d rather you never dunked at all and just made your jump shots instead.
They say your shooting is off because your minutes are down. Last season you averaged 17.8 minutes a game. This season you averaged 16.2. Not exactly the monumental dropoff they make it sound like.
At the start of the season, my fiancee was your biggest fan. There was no one on the team that she cared about besides watching you and your Luis Scola-hair frantically run around the court. She hasn’t given up on you, but now she won’t admit you’re her favorite in public anymore. If that doesn’t tell you something, I don’t know what will.
One last note: Stop whining. Your “I didn’t foul him” face looks pathetic. Other team’s fans tend to despise you. It’s starting to catch on here at home, now, too.
I don’t want to feel this way towards you, Sasha, but how could I not? Prove me wrong. Prove all of us wrong. Live up to the words you spoke last year about being the best shooter in the league. We need you, Sasha. Can you rise to the occasion?