After the Lakers disposed of the Denver Nuggets on Saturday, Kobe Bryant — who had called out his teammates constantly after piss-poor performances in Games 5 and 6 — gave one of the more tongue-in-cheek press conferences we’ve heard in a while (sort of).
Of course, that’s expected from Kobe. But this one seems a little odd, as if the reporters were trying to tick Kobe off. We’re not sure if that’s what the intentions were, but good Lord, did it seem like it. Of course, other players had some pretty wild things to say, too. Let’s give you some of the quotes, and figure out what questions were asked.
“If they can’t make those shots, they shouldn’t be playing.” — Kobe
Possible question: “Kobe, your teammates were so, so wide open. It was almost ridiculous how wide open they were. If Usain Bolt was out there, he might not’ve been able to make the rotation to the outside shooters. Those were practice shots. What would you have said to them if they somehow, miraculously and idiotically, missed those shots?”
“Five championships.” — Kobe
Possible question: “Kobe, there were a lot of NBA pundits out there that were really doubting you. Charles Barkley even picked the Nuggets to knock you guys out of the playoffs. I have no idea what they were thinking. Can you remind us all how many championships you have so you can silence the haters?”
Quote: Kobe had said he told George Karl that he didn’t need to “double him so much” and that “he was too old,” later telling reporters that Karl “didn’t buy that sh*t.” — Kobe
Possible question: “For chrissakes, Kobe, they were doubling you non-stop! It seemed as if George Karl was really afraid of you and that he really, really wanted to make sure you didn’t have an impact on this game. Needless to say, you did. You took over without even scoring. I bet you had to joke about that with him later, right?”
“You saw the hunger.” — Steve Blake
Possible question: “Hey Steve, I was watching the game all night and I noticed Pau Gasol was a friggin’ beast out there tonight. I mean, this dude was getting after it, and you could tell he was hungry to win this game. It was really unbelievable. But what did you think of Pau’s performance?”
“I hate Steve Blake … but I love him as a player.” — George Karl
Possible question: “George, Steve Blake totally burned you guys tonight with his 19 points and barrage of threes. I can’t imagine you saying anything nice about him the way he demolished you guys from the outside. I mean, this dude can’t defend my feces if I left them out in the front lawn. Are you really going to give him praise after he decided to drop deuces on you?”
“Absolutely freaking amazing.” — Mike Brown, on Metta World Peace’s effort defensively.
Possible question: “Ahhhh, COACH! Metta World Peace was so tenacious and tried very hard. He was his usual dorky self on offense, but that doesn’t mean much to you right? Of course it doesn’t. So how would you describe the way he played on defense? I mean you saw him getting after those balls and diving needlessly. How would you describe his play?”
“I don’t shake subs’ hands.” — Metta World Peace, on shaking James Harden’s hand
Possible question: I’m not even going to try this one, because I might mess around and it’ll be accurate. Seriously, what question could have possibly elicited this quote? There’s only one, really: “Will you shake James Harden’s hand?” That’s about as dumb of a question as it gets, and Metta World Peace gave as dumb of an answer as only Metta World Peace can. You can’t make this stuff up with this guy.