Not long ago, Kobe Bryant tried to readjust his Achilles tendon. The purpose of such lunacy was to somehow stay in the game, to play on. But even Kobe had to accept the truth of a body that had started to break down. And so it was last night when his willful sadism did not pay dividends. He made free throws, he blocked some shots. But Kobe was helpless to fling away his oppressor, to work his way through illness. It had never happened before.
Nov 14, 2014; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant (24) is defended by San Antonio Spurs guard Danny Green (14) at Staples Center. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports
If Kobe Bryant’s body could speak a language, if it had any sense of morality or humility, it would say it was sorry for doing this to him- making him believe age is only a small detail upon the human body. It is not small nor is it lacking significance.
What will happen every now and then to Kobe Bryant’s game is what happens when autumn leaves are stepped on. They are crushed. The colors are still stunning but the leaves are broken. It happened last night.
14 shots. 13 misses.
Kobe has had terrible shooting nights before, 4 for 25 nights. But the aesthetics of last night was different and somewhat odd. He didn’t take his normal shots seemingly on purpose. He was weary and fatigued and drenched in sweat, hanging on to his breath like a dying man hangs on to oxygen. He could barely stand straight.
If that wasn’t cruel enough, none of his teammates have the talent or willfulness to pick up the slack, to carry him on their shoulders.
Antawn Jamison, his former Lakers teammate, knew right away. “Something is wrong with him”, he said on the set of Time Warner SportsNet. “Look at his body language.”
Through it, through this dilapidated version of himself as Old Man River, Kobe Bryant led the team in assists. He blocked shots early in the game, and led the team in that category, a surprising development considering his lack of athleticism around the rim. He found a way to get to the line, twice as often as any of his teammates.
For better or for worse, he is a 36 year old man playing a game best suited for 25 year olds. Contrary to perception, Kobe Bryant has never been and is not now a god. Persistence has been his calling card, how he judges his peers, all of it wrapped up in a holy disdain for laziness, a work ethic psyche.
Do you want it? Will you bleed for it?
But the truth is time intersects with destiny. For the mythological heroes and warriors who were always losing some body part and continuing on with the endless toil of fighting for a cause, the tormenting sacrifice was nothing. But here is what is important. 1,200 games. 24,000 shots. 31,929 points.
And 54,000 minutes.
In the old days, the fatigue did not interrupt Kobe Bryant’s desire. He played until he couldn’t anymore, until it ended for him with a torn Achilles or a loss in the Finals or a victory in the Finals or being ousted out of the playoffs in the first round. It always ended with something. And then the mystery of it was solved. It all coalesced into that one moment, a contract with his body when the promissory note was due. But the contract and its terms need renegotiating.
Equal parts hero and myth, Kobe Bryant is the one who was in the war even as he was suffering from the war he was fighting against. The dichotomy was rich, was for the poets. It was an irony that the one true thing he relied on would be the one thing that would perish like a ghost. His will failed to live up to its end of the bargain: get me through this one more time.
Kobe doesn’t rest. He is a basketball player. Or perhaps it is the other way around. Because he is a basketball player he cannot rest. He does what all the great players do in the middle of their careers except his middle is gone. He is a lion prowling up and down the court and doing it as a vulnerable human being, having had to endure an incredible process just to get this far.
Nov 14, 2014; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant (24) is defended by San Antonio Spurs forward Kawhi Leonard (2) and guard Manu Ginobili (20) at Staples Center. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports
This is where the belief in miracles intersect with the belief in logic. Because sensations often trick the mind into thinking, it’s coming back, it’s coming back, I am what I was. I can do what I did. I am what you think I am. But the essence of a miracle is the sitting and the waiting for it to all be true.
It’s not on his agenda to wait. It is on his agenda to win. He has never had a season like this. His worst campaign was in 2005. But that team had Lamar Odom and this team has no one close to that. He’s a curious figure now, planted in the midst of such misery, in this garden of weeds. The old Kobe or rather the younger Kobe could not bear mediocrity. Evolved, mature Kobe has to embrace all things even if it is good nights and sick nights.
He said what you expected him to say after the game but his tone was laced with acceptance. This is where he is now, this is the ground he walks. It changes nothing about him other than taking a night off when he knows he is sick. It changes nothing about what we know about his unswerving will. It changes nothing about his new normal at 36 which is very similar to the old normal at 24 with this one very glaring exception. His body is making all the rules now. It is drawing a line in the sand. It is having the last say.